Surrender Feels Good

I'm Done.

I'm done fighting.

I'm done figuring.

I'm done trying to think it's all on me.

No one has ever told me 

to do this. It's me who wanted the reigns.

But all I have found in wanting control

is much frustration and very little gains.

My back hurts from carrying

the load I insisted I could handle.

I told others, "Don't worry, I got it."

even as I struggled and struggled.

But then I'd complain! 

Oh, and complain I did!

I'd whine about the work load

but refuse to give in.

I'd refuse to let go, 

refuse to get help.

I thought if I'd give in 

that somehow everyone would know

that I really don't have it all together.

So my pride hasn't helped.

It's only made me want more control.

And so the cycle would continue down a very slippery slope.

What can stop this car from wrecking full force?

A bowing. 

A surrender. 

A looking up, instead of looking inside myself

to find the strength I need,

to find the stronger hand that will carry me.

I realize now that not having control doesn't mean I don't care.

Believe me, I care!

What it means is that I realize that God is God, not me.

So I'll stop trying to do His job.

It's my job to follow. It's His job to lead.

And when I do this simple thing,

I find that life takes on a lightness, indeed!

It doesn't mean I'm not involved.

It doesn't mean I just get lazy.

It means I can rest each moment 

without the stress, without the worry,

and know in my heart He's absolutely got me.

I'll say it again...

He's absolutely got me.