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Saturday, December 8, 2012

Space to Cry, Room for Anger

I've experienced both sides of the spectrum.

1)  Focusing on the problem without the Solution in mind or even realizing there was a Solution.  I spent years in this place.  Judging myself.  Frustrated with circumstances I couldn't control.  Condemning myself and looking in instead of up.  Trying to solve things myself.  Then, sad and fearful as I realized that I may never find peace and hope.  It was a dark abyss.

But, then I did find Peace and Hope!

God's Love broke through.  I was stunned, amazed and blown away.  I had no idea how real and close God was (is).  It changed me forever.

But, somewhere along the way I started to think that if I now have Peace and Hope, I should not think about the negative....  like, at all.  There were now too many reasons to smile, give thanks and stop complaining.  The effect of this, though, was that I started ignoring the things in my heart that God was genuinely interested in dealing with in me.  He would point to things and say, "Let's deal with this sad part of you."  And, I'd push the thought away (not knowing it was Him) and say to myself, "Valerie, don't dwell on the past.  Keep your eyes on Him."  2) I ignored the problem and wasn't honest with myself or God as a result.

Here's where I have landed.

God gives us space to cry and a chest to beat on in our anger.  He knows we are human.  He doesn't ask us to be so spiritual that we stop being real about real thoughts, real emotions, real problems, real pain.  He WANTS us to be real.  He doesn't want us to pick up the rug in our hearts and sweep things under. 

But, as we are real about things, He wants us always to keep the Solution in mind.  He asks us to be honest with things, not solve them ourselves.  He doesn't pull out old heart wounds and then ask us to heal them.  He points things out so we are then aware of what we can hand over to Him for Him to heal.  Just like a repair man comes into a home.  He points out the problems -- not to ask the residents to fix them themselves, but so that they are aware of the things that need fixing and can then give the repair man permission to come in and fix it for them.


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