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Friday, November 6, 2015

I Am Not Enough For My Daughters

The memory is still vivid.  We had just walked into our house carrying our brand new baby girl. Our beautiful first child. She was still bundled in her car carrier as I sat down, placed her at my feet, and stared at her. I was thoroughly exhausted and we were only on day one into our adventure here at the house!  Leaning my head back against the chair, I closed my eyes and longed for just a cat nap. 
 
But then it hit me.  "I can't relax!" I thought to myself. "What if she needs me? What if I don't hear her?  What if she stops breathing and I sleep right through it?!"  It was at that moment, 12 1/2 years ago, that I put myself on high alert.  The bar for selflessness was raised in my heart and mind.  I realized then that my life would be laid down for the sake of my children.
 
And so I began to pour myself out, even to my detriment, as I started putting their needs ahead of mine and doing all I could think to do to raise my children right and give them a loving home.
 
But, I soon realized that I was not enough.  Though I gave them everything I could, all my efforts still fell short.  I realized that when my oldest hit her head falling off her swing and I couldn't catch her.  I realized that when my youngest daughter had trouble in school and I wasn't there to be her mommy.  I realized that I couldn't be all they needed.  But oh how I wanted to be!

Truth is, God never asks parents to be their children's everything.  If we were, we would be their God, not Him.  What He does want us to do is continually show them that HE can be their everything.  Parents are human. Parents make mistakes. Parents are imperfect. But, their Heavenly Father is eternal and perfect.  

There is still one thing, though, that I can do as a parent.  Though I can't always physically be there to hold their hand through life, God has given me access into the very best thing that will ever help them: PRAYER.  Prayer is the most powerful way to touch someone's life and doesn't require us to even be present with them. With prayer, I can fight unseen battles coming at my children. With prayer, I can protect them. With prayer, I can speak forth the Kingdom of God in their lives. And with prayer, I'm reminded that He is their God, not me.  I am not enough for them, but He is.